How To: Chest enhanced beer can chicken
I have had a lot of questions on how I made my beer can chicken sexier. You know… the “realistic” breast implants. In this article, I will explain the process of the chest enhancements --step by step instructions. SPOILER ALERT: I was surprised that the lemons flavoring (aka implants) on the chicken breasts complimented the salty seasoning on the skin!
- Uncooked whole chicken
- 6 pack of 355 ml Beer (essential)
- Chicken seasoning (you can use a simple salt and pepper)
- Bacon (optional)
- RiDICKulous Rooster Love stand! Buy now
Prep time: 10 min
Cook Time: about an hour
First, know that the biggest factor on how the chicken will taste and how moist it is: YOU! You want to make sure that you are relaxed and lubricated. This is where the 5 and 3/4 beers come in (5 and ¾ beers for you and a ¼ beer for cooking). Close your eyes… take a deep breath and open the beer. Take in the sound of the can opening, and the sweet smell of beer!
Repeat when necessary!
Start with preparing the chicken to insert the implants (aka lemons). Lay the chicken down on a cutting board and start at the neck. Carefully take the skin with one hand and with the other hand start separating the skin from the chicken breast. The skin will stretch, so you don’t have to worry about tearing. Only separate the skin to where you want the lemons to sit. If you go to far, the lemons will sit lower and you will have a “granny” chicken! You can always separate the skin more when you are inserting the lemons. So slow down and take your time.
Now take the two lemons and cut about off about ¼ (or a size of your style) of the pointy end off of each lemon. Insert them into the loose skin pocket you just separated. Move them around till they look even. Take your time on this, I read an interesting study that a human male will look at the female chest within 1.5 seconds of meeting her! Like any intimate insertions, it’s very important to keep an eye on your details!
Now that the implants are in place, you need to season the chicken. Lift the chicken up by the wings and legs to make sure you reach every nook and cranny. Another popular way is to melt butter and brush it on the chicken before adding the seasoning. This will help it to have a nice crispy skin!
Other fine details:
- Selecting a beer can chicken stand: There are lots of stands to choose from out there. Rooster Love beer can chicken stand (from tomsridickulousThings.com) is the most appropriate stand for making a sexy chicken!
- Making it educational: You can save a lot of time cooking dinner and explaining the “birds and the bee’s” to the kids!… I know that a “father of the year award” bell is probably ringing in your head. Kill two birds with one stone: cooking supper and educating your kids.
- Drinking beer: this step is most challenging… You need to leave about a ¼ beer for the chicken. If you mess up and drink the entire can… don’t panic, that’s why they sell six packs of beer! Here is a little trick that I learned over the years, open another beer and pour ¾ of a beer into a glass. This is a tested strategy to prevent a miscalculation.
- Bacon: you can add long lushes hair to your chicken by adding a few strips of beacon on top of the chicken.
- Preheating the BBQ or oven: The temperature needs to be in the 350 range. Turn your burners on medium/high on one side and low on the other side. Place your chicken on the low side. This will circulate the air inside the BBQ for a more even cooking. A BBQ thermometer is helpful, but not necessary
- Rotating the chicken: rotate once about half way into the cook and have a beer. A stand will make rotation easier.
- Cook time: a smaller chicken will take about 45 minutes to cook. A larger chicken can take up to 1 hour and 15 minutes. Make sure the internal temp is about 165° Fahrenheit (75° Celsius). If you have a internal meat thermometer, measure at the thickest part of the thigh. If you don’t have a thermometer, use a fork or something sharp to cut into the thigh. If the juices are clear, it should be cooked.
Don’t forget, meat needs standing time. Take the chicken out of the BBQ or oven and let it rest for 10 minutes. Carefully lift the chicken off the can and enjoy the moistest chicken! You, your friends and your family will be salivating… in the mouth of course.